Reflections on an #Unproductive #Garden: Facing #disappointment in our everyday lives

I love to garden.  I really do.  The idea of spring, the excitement of watching a seed turn into a small green chute, and, of course, using the squash and cucumbers I grew myself get me every time.  Not to mention the fact that my closet domestic gets to come out for a few months before I get ready to go back to school, my true calling.  While the growing season in Montana starts later than some places, even a seed catalog (which I rarely use) quickens my heart.  This year, however, has been a true disappointment so far.  While it often takes my seeds longer than the textbook time period to germinate, I have nothing up except the tomato, pepper, and rhubarb plants I bought.  The culprit?  Probably slugs, but they’ve never stopped me before.  Unfortunately, this year is the worst gardening venture so far.  I am truly disappointed.

Now, Lord willing, I will have a thriving pumpkin plant soon (they always surprise me), but I hate waiting.  I want immediate satisfaction, no snags (or slugs), immediate success. I don’t know about you, but I feel the same extreme impatience in many areas of my life.  I want immediate results in my relationship with my husband, my prayers for my children, my mentoring relationships, and my educational and professional goals.  I know, I know, we live in a fallen world ruled by God’s purposes, not mine.  But when I pray, I want an answer, when I make an effort in a relationship, I want results, when I make a goal, I want to reach it-no snails, snags or hiccups. Is that really too much to ask?

The older I get, the more I realize that my time is not God’s time.  Sure, I SHOULD know this.  The Bible is very clear about the disconnect between our idea of time and God’s. Ecclesiastes  11:3 tells us, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end”, 2 Peter 3:8-9 reminds us,  “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance”, and 1 Thessalonians warns us, “Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night” (5:2). 

Even after 45 years it’s funny how, knowing these truths, I still feel devastated when I don’t get immediate results.  Just like my heartbreak this morning when I saw that I still have ZERO seeds popping up in my garden, unforeseen complications in my relationships or my angst over my blog seemingly receiving less views than ever, I am definitely the person of “little faith” Jesus talked about on that stormy night at sea.

Miraculously, when I actually take the time to do it, if I take time to acknowledge the times that God used time differently in my life for his purposes, I am in awe of his providence.  In 1999, my grandmother fell into the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone National Park. She was 74 and newly recovered from heart surgery.  She had a new lease on life.  In an instant, the glue that held our family together was gone. For years, my family struggled with this life-altering loss, questioning why we couldn’t have her just a little longer.  Soon after her death, my grandfather became very ill.  This illness resulted in diabetes and dementia, which became very pronounced in 2008.  A few years after he died in 2010, we realized God’s plan. Despite our ongoing devastation, we realized that had my grandmother lived, she would have had to revisit the painful path of her mother’s battle with dementia.  Despite our protests, God knew she had endured enough wounds from that devastating disease. 

In the past few years, I had a girl show up one day asking for biblical advice.  As it turned out, she is the step-daughter of a friend I have been praying for since high school.  I cannot express what a blessing this relationship has been to me.  I could never have dreamed of a better way for God to answer my prayers in his time (over 20 years later) and his way.

And then, of course, there is 2020-year no one could have predicted.  In truth, we are all still somewhat unaware of what the complete shutdown of our daily activities did to us emotionally and spiritually.  Yet, we have to admit, this truly isolating and emotionally crushing year was used by God to work for our good (Romans 8:28).  While we made many mistakes (I know I did), we slowed down, appreciated what was important, and came together in a way we couldn’t have before. 

Abraham’s wait for a son, Joseph’s sale and imprisonment, Israel’s enslavement(s) and wait for a messiah,  Christ’s wait for his ministry and wrongful execution- many heroes of the faith waited a long time for promises, some that were disappointing, and nothing like what they expected.  Why should my life be any different?  After all, Isaiah tells us, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways are my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). 

The success of my garden this year is shaky at best.  I may have to swallow my pride and buy a few plants in order to get some produce.  In any case, it won’t be as productive as I would like.  But one thing is sure,  I will continue to have experiences that don’t turn out the way I want-disappointments, unexpected complications, maybe even utter failure.  Despite the certain difficulties and suffering of this world, God’s garden is ALWAYS productive, no matter what we see.  Today I am praying I can rest in these words of Christ, “I have said these things so that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take courage; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).